A Visitor

Sometimes dreams showcase what we’re dealing with in our waking lives. Sometimes nightmares even more so. I awoke this morning from the latter where a loved one was not just packing to move, but loading the moving van. I went over to her house asking when she was planning on telling me. I was so very hurt and and so very angry. What was even more heartbreaking was that she left her youngest, a toddler girl with me. She assured me she would send for her just as soon as she got unpacked, but somehow I knew that I wouldn’t see her again for years. I began long-term planning to care for this little girl.

I saw the person I dreamed about today, and as she left, I realized that my dream was true. She has moved away in every way – mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It’s not that I’ve been left behind. I can’t blame her since she’s going where she feels she needs to be right now. Yet I’m choosing not to follow. It’s not a place where I am respected there, cared for, or fit in. Indeed, I find it quite toxic. It may be what she needs to experience for her path right now; it doesn’t mean that I have to follow.

The little girl in my dream was myself. I was reclaiming her and keeping her safe, knowing that going forward we would both be okay under my care and protection. While we would have this inherent sadness and feeling of loss, we also would certainly have brighter days of love, warmth, and joy ahead.

In the meantime, on this longest night of the year, Sorrow has come to my door.

One thought on “A Visitor

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  1. This time of year of one of paradox and pain as much as comfort and joy. The challenge is how one lives those into the future. Internal sorrow is hard when the world is trying to foist off on us light and laughter. As you write there will be joy and love ahead.

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