Sometimes we receive the message we need to hear in the most unexpected ways. Within the last 18 hours, two messages came my way that has me pondering how seemingly unrelated areas of my life might actually be connected.
The first was a message from my mother. I knew it wasn’t my birthmother as I’m familiar with her energy. No, it was adopted mom who died when I was 13. Her message was for me to find someone, not necessarily a partner, but just a friend with whom I could connect, really talk to, and trust. That’s a tall order. She doesn’t want me to be so alone any more or so lonely. I realized that she actually did have that mother connection to me and was still concerned about me. After all these years, indeed decades since, I had never really felt that.
It made me cry, feel grateful, and recognize that she’s right. I do need to be more open or I will remain isolated and alone. I really don’t want that. I also don’t want to continue sacrificing myself for others. I’m exhausted from doing that which is the real I withdrew in the first place. Now, I’m not willing to do that again, but I do admit that being unwilling to even ask someone for help when I need it is also not healthy. I keep a mental tally on what I owe people to pay them back for anything they do for me, and I often feel guilt and shame until I do. Hence, the wall I’ve managed to erect around myself.
It’s time to take that wall down. I’m so socially awkward, full of anxiety, and lacking confidence that I’m not sure where to begin. That’s where the second message comes in.
Now, I’m in a stagnant place, and things cannot flow inside these walls. Being confined turned my vibration upside down and lowered it; I’m no longer expansive but in a contracted position. Thus, nothing I’ve done or begun has flowed to completion. Not surprising. How do I turn this around? How do I shift my world?
I’ve received a calling I have been dragging my feet on and getting more and more isolated in the meantime. Now, it’s time I get grounded and answer that call. Especially with the global crisis, I need to start doing my part. I’ve thought that if I got x, y, and z done, then I’ll be ready, but that’s not how things have worked. Instead, I’ve found that no matter what I begin, it doesn’t come to fruition. I end up blocked and find myself sitting alone inside my wall again. Therefore, the energy there needs to turned the upside down. I need to answer the call, then x, y, and z will easily be completed and things will begin to flow again.
Recently, I’ve started having this image in my head of me sitting with hundreds or even thousands of people around me. Not people, souls. Standing. Waiting. Waiting for me to answer the call. . . to help them. Especially now, with so many lost and confused. We’re not going to move on without many of these souls moving on too. That’s the calling I’ve received . . . helping them.
I’ve been doing things backward. The natural law of reciprocity requires that I hold up my end, answer my calling. Once I do, the walls will crack and start coming down, energy will begin to flow more, my vibration will rise, and what I’ve been striving for will unfold relatively easily. Otherwise, I will continues sitting alone in this crowd continuing to breathe this stale air while my life stagnates. Not exactly a difficult choice.
So often when things really matter, which direction to go is very clear.