Today, I had someone tell me that I build community. That I’m one of these people who do that naturally. Really? Then why have I been through so many? Maybe building them is not the problem but sustaining them is? Where’s my community now?
I’m not even sure how to make friends any more or be anything other than socially awkward. I know by the end of summer, my place of employment will do the in-person gathering that got cancelled last year. Everyone will get to see everybody else that they know, who they have known for years, who they tell jokes with. Everyone is already talking about it and looking forward to it.
Me? I’m dreading it. Hopefully between now and then, I’ll figure out a way to try not to look too awkward. Maybe this summer, I’ll try to meet new people so I can have the opportunity to see if the repairs I’ll do the mask I usually wear are adequate and have time to polish my shield.
Maybe today’s Zoom fatigue is getting to me. I don’t think it would be quite so pronounced if I could regularly talk to people in real life. Others have real people to talk to when they turn off their work computers and “go home.” I have two cats and Youtube. While I really do appreciate and love my cats, there are, on occasion, days when I miss real human contact. I guess today is one of them.
All I can say is that I know that in the long run, I’ll be okay. I have the resilience and the inner resources to find my way, but not everyone does. If you have friends, family, or neighbors who do live alone. Make sure they’re okay. After a year of lock down and everyone else starting to get out with their families, there’s an awful lot of fragile folks being left behind.